At some point, I lost my sense of anger. I thoroughly deconstructed and rebuilt myself but I deconstructed more than I rebuilt. I was unable to manage more than stoic outrage.
The ability to channel anger into positive action is amongst the most powerful movers of humanity; the ultimate resolution of something positive out of something negative. But the basic ingredient of such powerful change, anger, had eluded me for years.
A resolution is a commitment to resolve an identified problem; to bring about lasting change. But resolutions are merely statements of intent doomed to failure. Making a resolution because of a date on the calendar without associated thought pattern and habit changes is not only foolish but dangerous, dooming oneself not only to failure but also the resulting depressive self doubt.
Four weeks ago I reached a critical moment. I sat in an endodontist’s chair staring at an x-ray of a broken tooth, weighing my options, none of which seemed very good. The endodontist remarked that dentistry is nothing more than applying temporary solutions to inevitable decay and failure. He was speaking of his profession and my choices. But I heard something much more profound.
I haven’t had a drop of soda since that moment. Year after year, Doctors told me that I needed to fix my diet. But it took a costly broken tooth and associated life long problems to birth lifestyle changes. Instead of resolving to do something, I ingrained a different mental paradigm resulting in habit changes. I finally found my anger and brought it against my will forcefully and conclusively.